To Be or To Become

dilemma

2007-08-18T16:23:49Z

people have called me indecisive....ive been called spineless.....and many other interesting names thats synonymous to a person who refuses to make a decision...

sigh...i seem to know the answer to it...people have even given me the answer... even though sometimes you shud not follow other people's advice...but somehow every inch of my body tells me that what they say makes sense. yet action always speaks louder than words... and my action betrays me.

the best thing is i allowed myself to walk deep into it. im making another mistake in my life. oh well....life is full of lessons isnt it. but it doesn feel good when someone else is also on the receiving end of that mistake.

anyway...life goes on. the irony of my life is that even at a time when i should rejoice and be happy....guilt and sadness just feels me. u could say that i am doing the wrong thing...otherwise i would not feel that way. i guess you are right

&^%%&$%$&&((&)()@^&%#

2007-08-09T14:19:12Z

haha...nice subject eh. you know i actually find it ironic abt the amount of problems im facing just renting an apartment in a small town like seremban...now i probably cant mention anything in particular because legal issues mite be occur. but seriously...even renting a house in kuala lumpur is simply easier. its not as if im renting an apartment in hartamas or jalan kuching. im renting a place in seremban....seremban i repeat. and so many things are involved. the sad thing is the landlord is suppose to be someone of status. status?? geez...now thats a term thats diluted in our country....too many of this men and women of stature walking around. heck throw a pebble and you will hit one. i for one have no respect for majority of them...not based on the amount of corruption cases i read in the papers. but im own personal experiences. oh well...i guess there's no need for me to tell you at all..you probably know it and feel the same as i do.

its quite sad because all this bad apples do not represent the true nature of the status. there are definitely quite a number who deserve the title. but it ends there. period.

and recently i have noticed a vicious cycle going around. like how most supposed "professionals" do not respect or bother about students. they treat us like children and think that we are naive enough to follow their whims and fancy. and whats so amusing is how an "adult" voice (geez...i sounded like an adult when i was 12..not the squeeky kind)...or rather to put it plainly. a parent....all it takes is a parent to speak and they would listen whether or not its the same thing you said. its sad. but u gotta admit...some of us are naive...even the 29 year old students... (notice how i emphasize 29 and student) ....and therefore they deserve whats coming...a cunning "professional" .....but fortunately parents usually get involved...and the cycle goes full circle.....who started it..we do not know. was it the student....was it the "professional" in the first place..we would never know

even in the hospital...the cycle is even clearer. you enter the hospital as a houseman...freshie. right out of the oven. the nurses close in like vultures hungry for a meal (vultures dun eat cooked meat though...the info are for people who seriously dun watch nat. geo or read anything except medical books :p) ...anywho...back to the topic at hand. so the nurses take advantage of you...make you do the dirty work..laugh behind your back.....wouldn even allow you to rest in between on-calls. and so you endure it for the next 2 years....finally you become a medical officer...u walk in. you see the nurses who bullied you before..you go. heh heh....time for revenge. you scold the nurses ...make them do endless work. and then vice versa...one lovely beautiful circle. who is to blame? the nurses of bullying in the first place...or the medical officers and senior doctors for bullying the nurses? sure the nurses would want revenge...to them its damn those doctors..if i cant get my revenge against you..ill do it on the freshie.... sure the doctors would want revenge...damn those nurses...you did this to me. now's my turn...you're merely a nurse. when will it stop? never....because we are humans....its in our nature.

it is the sad truth...we wake up to such a reality. i guess i wouldn call this a complaint. im not even sure what i would call it. not to say that ive accepted the facts. i do want to make a change. but in a sense im broken...i tried to make a change once....got shot from every corner..but i still made a difference that year...only to see it crash down when i left it. guess the foundation was strong enough was it. or maybe i was jus too naive...too green to actually expect humans to change.

tk out

reminiscence

2007-08-09T08:15:48Z

i could not help but open the box i had that was collecting dust...in it was filled with my secondary school memories. and suddenly i found myself reliving the past once again...oh how quickly things can change in a blink of an eye. the people i left behind in jb...it feels sometimes that i was the one who packed up my bags and left...not only did i leave my grandfather's house behind. i left everything else. friends...love...dreams. most of all memories....sometimes i wished i had never left jb.

the unfortunate part is you cant take back whats gone...we have to move forward and keep up with it. gosh...how i would have done so many things differently back then..i bet you'd think that way too. the stuff in the box just seems so endless...even though i have thrown away quite a number of things. things that no matter how small it was..i was still reluctant to throw. feels like im throwing a small piece of history away.

ironically tomorrow would be the first time i step on southern soil in more than a year. the last time i was down, it jus didn feel right. the shadow of my grandfather's death hovered around us at that time....i stayed in the old house...but it jus didn feel the same. the sound of the radio wasnt there...no smiling face beneath the layers of newspapers to greet me in the morning. i vowed never to step into jb anymore...

but im going back on my vow now...somehow going back to jb feels like the stepping stone. feels like the return of a cycle as i end my houdini act.

slowly as time goes...im picking up the pieces of my life. getting on with my life one aspect at a time.

fustration..fustration

2007-08-08T14:04:16Z

its just fustrating when things are not what it seems and you are left hanging....im not talking abt the previous post or anything. its non related...but somehow at times one thing acts as a catalyst for the other. im letting this affect my judgement of everything else .and well...this is the root of all problems. what im writing here today. unfortunately ive been sworn to secrecy abt the situation but yah. its fustrating and worrying. a certain someone or something (apologies for the non-specific) has gone awol...and really awol. now the sad thing is..im the only one who knows what was actually going on... but im helpless....i cant do anything but sit and wait. geez...my gut feeling tells me everything is okay...but somehow one jus cant help but have this wretching feeling something is not right.

oh well...i guess ill just wait patiently

btw...happy 22nd birthday elisha....hope to hear from you soon

tk out

yikes

2007-08-07T12:50:00Z

hmmm..i seem pretty poor at judging the size of fonts. therefore apologies for the eyesore here and there. i do admit some were deliberate though ;)

everything has to end

2007-08-07T12:37:07Z

and so my hiatus or sabbatical...or whatever one calls it comes to end. actually it ended a week ago..but hmmm. lets jus say this is official..and so i have a month left to my holiday before i began clinical life...exciting isnt it..definitely. now we finally get our hands dirty and get screwed big time by the big guys not the small fries we get in pre-clinical.

admittedly pre-clinical was jus plain fake...taking history was humorous as it is...imagine talking to a so-called patient (they call them simulated patient) and he or she suddenly has to look down at a paper to tell me when the pain started....as much as i know that this is part of training ..its jus doesn feel like it at all....im suppose to examine a guy whom on paper has renal cell carcinoma...but when i ballot or examine him...his kidneys are jus as good as mine..hmm maybe i have rcc...maybe u do.. geez. at least now i get real patients to harass and molest...oh the joy of it. finally hearing a murmur that was never there to begin with.

anyway...as any tuck kit holiday is and can be....its jus the kind of holiday i always have. i guess we can call it karma. u see...most people treat a holiday as a holiday..work time as work time. i however seem to treat my work time as a holiday..therefore when a holiday drops by every so now and then i seem to not feel that it is a holiday at all. wow. i used the word holiday so many times. u would think im enjoying one now. but me being me...i always find ways or things seem to find ways to screw itself over and fall into blackhole. poor thing i say...poor me i say too.

oh well...not that im going to sit and sulk the whole month anyway. life is too valuable to waste ill say. ive been making the best of it albeit to all the snags i seem to run in to.... one thing's for sure. im not planning anything. i may be good at planning events or managing clubs but when it comes to planning a holiday or even a day out. it just sucks. period. seriously..even a 5 year old could do better. damn this 5 year olds. haha.

oh well...here's a toast with my glass of water (which im trying to pass of as white wine for no apparent reason) to better days ahead for the month of august. sure its jus the start of the month. dry spells always come to an end...and i dun mean sex u dirty little buggers :P ...or maybe thats jus me... hmm. yea...u get what i mean. anyway..i shud probably consider taking another hiatus. im inspired by the cute and elegant lady i was flirting at the gnc shop. haha.

p.s. safe safe me...im all alone....oh goodness me...why dun i have frens...

hahahaha...u'd think id seriously say that??? puzleeeeeeeeeeeeze

tk out

communication blackout

2007-07-07T05:22:39Z

as the subject implies....ill be inaccessible for the next whole month....this would probably be the last time you will hear from me online or even on the phone except for 1 or 2 people...it is time for me to walk the talk....seems like the high powers above have deemed that i have not done enough to earn my place...therefore i feel the need to dig deeper....and to do that would require me to basically disappear for the time being.

anyway...i wanted to take this time to apologise to trish...sorry i cant make it for your birthday party this coming wednesday...i hope the party will go well and you will have a blast of a time... :-) ...do take care and enjoy ur holiday. ill probably see you in a month's time with a smile on my face and looking different than i am now...u had better make time for me then :p

tk out

........

2007-05-30T10:00:11Z

when i came home i had in mind what i wanted to type...however ive realised that i would only demoralise someone if i type it and that person does not need that now...therefore

......................................................

reality check

2007-05-23T01:21:29Z

Target : 1) Join MSF
2) Climb Everest

Just A Dream: Maybe

Impossible: Not Really

Hard Work: Definitely

Discipline: A Must

Everything else: Working towards the goal

GOTTA DIG DEEPER!!

GOTTA FEED THE HUNGER!!

a dream worth living for

2007-05-17T12:40:49Z

i guess if there was one thing that would keep me going for next few years, this would be it... what am i talking about...im talking about humanitarian work... its not exactly one's typical dream... for most it would be to make money... enough money to buy a car...a house... start a family... have children and a really comfortable life..

now usually this is my cue to start my criticism and sarcasm about all the above...but i got to agree...who wouldn want that..heck...even i would love that. i would love to be driving down the expressway on my maserati GT...wearing nothing but the finest clothes and coming home to my lovely wife and children..

but thats just not really me.... instead what i want to do is to able to perform surgery in the middle of a dessert with very basic equipment on hand...okie..so that sounds fantasised... most people including my parents would tell me to come back to reality. but to put it in simpler terms...i would really love to spend my time doing humanitarian work...

now most people would ask me why i took up medicine....i had the chance to do law...i had the chance to do aeronautical engineering...i could have taken up finance or accounting... all this were on my mind in college... i was also brainwash by a certain person this was my path...(not my family) ... in fact if i really had it my way from secondary..i would be studying paleontology right now (if i felt like being disowned by my family..hehe) .oh well..back to the topic....medicine was the one way i felt i could serve humanity better (whoa..bring out the tissues...such a touching moment) ...haha...okie..basically thats true...i want to be a surgeon and i want to work in harsh conditions...my life would not be complete if i do not do that.... i dont exactly tell anyone this (although im telling you now) because no one would believe me... and i dont blame that for that.

but somehow along the way...ive lost track...lost my focus... and maybe its time to get back on track.... to work towards what i want to do....

Clear Eyes, Full Heart...Can't Lose

2007-05-10T01:39:53Z

Every man at some point in his life is going to lose some battle... he is going to fight and he is going to lose...

But what makes a him a man is in the midst of the battle, he doesn't lose himself

cheated death

2007-04-30T00:46:03Z

okie..so its nothing much to brag about the title and all...but yah. you could put it that way....i miraculously escaped serious injury or rather death..when i said what a week it was in the last post i didn expect it to drag till the weekend. and what a way to end it too....im not even sure how to put it but yah....i cheated death twice...and till today i still have yet to figure out how...i really feel like walking into a temple right now and thanking God...because someone was watching out for me up there on saturday....

what turned out to be a routine journey left me parked at the side of a ram facing the opposite side of traffic...one thing is the extend of damage to my car does not portray the seriousness of what occurred...even the fact that i walked out without a scratch on my body leaves me pretty relieved but shaken.

but im thankful afterall this..and grateful that im sitting here in my school elab writing all this. this has made me realise how precious life is. how important a split second is....a reaction...because at any time i could be gone...or in even worse..lying in hospital with injuries that leave me disabled for life

anyway this is a life changing event for me...and to me...everyday seems as important as ever. in fact there are no words to describe what i feel and think rite now. all i know is..ive been given a second chance...and if i dun make the most out of it..i dont think i ever will

tk out

rollercoaster

2007-04-26T01:17:55Z

Anyway…im back…after a long absence once again…but not without reason..as you can see. I have not been able to log on to the internet unless im in uni which in itself is quite a hassle indeed…the reason for being “internetless” …ive been shifting..yes once again..from one house to another. I shall not give out any details…would not want to bore you with stories of shifting and lorries…but if anyone requires the address of my new place, please fill free to message me about it. I would gladly provide the address with great hope that you would actually send me something ;-) …

Alrite..excuses aside.. this week has the makings of being one of the oddest one in my life. Well…no one actually knows the whole truth about it except for that one person(yes yes…im being all secretive once again…live with it :p) …but yah…in a sense I do feel a little embarrassed…maybe even a little emasculated.. it was all in good time though…maybe its just what I needed. Whatever it is…I really do appreciate what this person has done for me. Being one to almost always be on the receiving end, it felt good to finally move to the other side. Anyway in order not to cause any embarrassment on her part or rather people questioning her about what happen..i shall refrain from mentioning her name…thanks again J

I guess it all boils down to one thing…I don’t think ive truly accepted the death of my grandfather..i never truly mourned his death..was I right to do so?…in a sense ive become like him…he remained silent through out that painful year following his death…never once telling us if he was suffering..never once crying out in pain. To me…that has always been a sign of strength…crying…shouting when in pain has never been my forte. Trust me…if you shove a knife right into my gut right now…I would not scream or winch..i just cant seem to release the pain im feeling…and it seems ive carried it for the last 1 and a half years..in which it has sometimes shown on my expression..always coming out a little but never to its full extend…oh well .go figure. Im not exactly very comfortable writing all this anyway

The thing is thru out my life, my grandfather has been the pillar of strength…the one person I worshipped..looked up to.. and wished that I could be like him… and now ive realized what a huge void he has left behind…okie..not only now..but for awhile now .. that void leaves me guideless...At this present moment I have no hero in my life…no father figure… sure there are other members of the family..but I just feel distant. I can still remember when I was in kindergarten…I use to think that my grandfather would live till 100 ..and then I would think of him passing away earlier then 100..i started to feel like vomiting after that. I jus could not see my life without him….i cant walk into the house anymore to show him my medals…my trophies…my battle scars..my achievements.

Sigh…im not even sure if what im writing right now makes any sense. The feeling of missing him is just consuming me right now…im not even sure when ill find closure to all this…how long before one gets over the death of a loved one? I just cant seem to let go…I cant seem to move on from it….i know I cant live like this forever…and I don’t want to…im sure he would not want me to either…but its just there….

Its quite easy to just start typing…hey I gotta move on…im going to start making him proud..im going to live the life he wanted me to. But its not just as simple….with support it definitely helps…but im me….solo as ever….oh well…

cool article

2007-04-10T04:21:58Z

im in the elab now with absolute nothing to do..oh well..im suppose to do pbl..but heck...i have no fracking idea what my topic is all about...anywho...i found an interesting article in askmen.com.....its not for you ladies..but read it. anyway...im placing it here....hope you are enlightened...the title of the article is Vanity and The Modern Man

Man overboard! Did anyone else hear the splash? No, it wasn't a man slapping on Afta aftershave; it was the sound of the metrosexual going overboard. Modern men are in a bad state. They diet, follow celebrity news and, for goodness’ sake, shave their chests for the aesthetic appeal. Did George Washington shave his chest? Did Chesty Puller, the legendary U.S. Marine, wax his back? No! Nor should we. Next we’ll be sitting down to pee. It's time to stand up and completely miss the toilet.

Men have become symbols of vanity over the past 40 years. Some of the reasons are obvious, and others are more subtle.

Men have primped themselves into androgyny

It's one thing to try and look your best. Generally, looking clean and pressed is a good idea. It's another thing to apply expensive moisturizers, powders and creams before bedtime. Remember Grandpa? Remember that crusty, old, soot-covered, WWII veteran who grew up during the Great Depression? He was lean and had a face that looked like Black Hills granite. He knew how to get his hands dirty, bust a kid over his knee, chew tobacco, and spit fire. In the 21st century, our ambiguous role is being buried further by consumerism and technology which create more and more distractions. Get off your asses! Go chop down a tree, whittle a bow and don't eat until you've killed your next meal.

Men are diet-crazed

Propaganda historically read by women is now reaching men. Since when do men need to know about carbs, multivitamins, ab crunchers, yoga, and Pilates -- and who are these creeps slicked in bacon grease on the Soloflex ads? As far as diet and exercise, there is a rule that worked just as well in caves as it does today: Eat three squares a day -- breakfast, lunch and dinner -- and quit shoveling Chips Ahoy! in your craw between meals. The fast results of carb diets are similar to doctors observing the positive medicinal effects of cocaine. Losing 20 pounds in a week is as reasonable as going from terminally ill to bouncing off the walls. Basic guy activities such as sports and manual labor (see: chopping trees), are enough to offset a normal diet.

Men exercise unused body parts

In association with the diet madness is the modern pursuit of David-esque bodies. Vanity -- it's the equivalent of buying a Ferrari and never driving it. Men expend countless hours attaining a hairless, mythical and effectively useless body. The guys who work for "better biceps in five minutes a day" have no purpose for bigger biceps other than self-admiration. It makes for an expensive, time-consuming jerk off. Garbage men, block layers, cops, and soldiers have a usage for biceps; accountants and programmers do not. In other words, the purposes and needs for a man's natural strength are disappearing, so men are inventing vain reasons for it. As a result, men are in a spiritual and mental crisis over who they are supposed to be. Why are men dissatisfied with their bodies? Because they have such little practical use for them nowadays.

Men are obsessed with decorating

A home should be clean, but the magazine rack doesn't need to match the curtains. Betty Crocker and Heloise trade recipes and argue about the best way to remove carpet stains, not guys. Reading IKEA catalogs, poring over patterns, matching the bedroom with the bathroom -- all of these are consumer infiltrations, brought on less by the opposite sex than by marketing gurus and commercial bombardment.

Men look up to vain role models

It's no longer Bronson, McQueen, Wayne or Stallone. This summer's lineup looks like a minor league soccer team: Depp, Pitt, Farrell, Cruise. Tom Cruise? He's the size of an action figure. Like it or not, leading men like Jude Law have cultural influence, and in his case it's a feminizing, domesticating influence. Hollywood affairs were once oblivious sidebars to men. There was a time when sports heroes, like the unattractive Nolan Ryan and crazy-eyed Mike Singletary, trumped actors. In the 1980s, The National Enquirer was a garbage magazine for garbage readers, but US Weekly and the other checkout-line rags have figured out how to suck people in. It would be unimaginable for men in the 1980s to care about what J.R. Ewing did offscreen. Ask an ’80s guy: "Did you see what Jude Law was wearing?" and see how he reacts.

Men work delicate jobs

Men like to live up to a certain standard, a certain level of providing income. The image of a career, however, has become more important than the actual work. Today, men seek clean, domesticated, polite, sedentary jobs. Fathers used to be firemen, farmers and construction workers, which meant getting their hands dirty.

Moreover, to be a part of the working class today is quietly frowned upon, even when many plumbers collect $150 an hour. Being a blue-collar worker nowadays implies a lack of education, therefore, less earning power, but it's not necessarily true. Being fiscally attractive to women almost requires a desk job, resulting in a certain level of snobbery for working class people, which is why immigrants perform so much low-wage, "uncivilized" work. Men have become snobs.

you’re so vain…

There's a reasonable level of vanity. Most men are really overgrown boys, unable to adjust to their age. The fear of marriage results in a prolonged teenager status. FYI: Getting married does not equal domestication or feminization. In fact, it is the hairless, greased man-child who is being domesticated and feminized. The hairy guy working the night shift to support his two kids is not domesticated; that's what a man does.

Other cultures around the world haven't fallen into this rut yet -- at least not as deep as we have. There's a line from The Burbs, a movie where Tom Hanks plays one of these American domesticated doggies -- a character in whom we can almost see the transition from Burt Reynolds to Colin Farrell -- where Bruce Dern says to Hanks: "Are you completely p*ssy-whipped? Why don't you just take your balls out of your wife's purse? Make a stand for one time in your life!" In other words: Get a grip. Forget about all that body-image and diet propaganda. Eat normal food, do pushups and -- unless you actually are neutered -- act like a man.

apologies

2007-04-09T01:05:06Z

alright...ive got a little time left before i head to uni...or to the mall first ..shhh..u aren suppose to know :p

anyhow...just felt i should take the time to apologise for the many grammatical errors i have made...i did not realise it until i read my post this morning...the unfortunate thing about typing in a blog is that my english sounds like some ah beng on the street. okie..so im being pretty harsh about it but yah...ms. shyamala would not be proud of it...hmm i wonder how she is doing anyway... (she was my debate coach...and yes...i did debate :p) ....oh well...its just that after writing...one does not feel the need to check it again unlike when you have an essay examination...oh those were the days....where the english test made you feel like a kid from primary even though it was spm...i mean for goodness sake....writing about my dreams??..i would rather write about the inconvenient truth ;-) ...

therefore i would like to say im sorry...sorry for all the grammatical errors ive made before and in the near future....and feel free to correct me at times....hmmm. i probably see yeng yie jumping up at that chance :p ...

tk out

on a row

2007-04-08T13:51:56Z

since im on a row..i shall not stop at 2 ...lets me make it a threesome i say. hmmm..what shall i talk about now? ..maybe i should shed some light on being a "white" boy...heh. most of you would know what i mean...

okie...unlike what you would expect im not exactly going to talk about races and all that nonsense...im just going to touch a bit on segregation...you see i actually find the irony in all this....how we have our own groupies...yup...its like woodstock all over again. when we are young...we seem to mix around with everyone...okie..i did (still do) ...not sure about you...and when i say everyone...its us chinese...malays...indians....and many many other races...we mingle...we talk...young meaning primary...or maybe we shall call it the naive age...as we enter secondary...a clearer picture starts to be seen...forgive me for my crudeness here.... you see 3 separate color groups...the whites..blacks...browns.. there will still be a white here and there among the blacks and browns (yours truly) and vice versa....but when you enter university...its a clear and well defined line....the mixture is a minority...my minority meaning almost to the point of dodo bird extinctions...

and everyone seems to have matured....now ill take just 2 examples...the indians..most of them would never acknowledge the existence of the chinese...they prefer the save haven of their own people..shunning the rest as though they have leprosy...and oh well..the chinese aren doing too well themselves...they think that anyone who cant speak their language or probably speak fluent english comes from mars...hmm or maybe even venus..(ill be sure to ask them the next time round) ...okie..so maybe im generalizing all this..but this is what i see and experience day to day...in university..or rather in IMU ...if its not race...its like the american sorority stuff...woohoo....on 1 corner...im smart...the rest of you are idiots....i scorn and criticise you..but ive an attitude of a dumb blonde, bitchy as hell...in the other corner...hey. im metrosexual...that means im to the point of gay...and i think queer eye for the straight guy is the best show on earth...i know more make up then women and heck...my nose is stucked high it could pierce your ass and reach all the way up to ur gut. ...hmmm..i didn know i could write that..hehe (just to make sure everyone's clear...i got no problem with gays unless they are trying to hit on me..hehe) ..and maybe another corner....hey..im macho...its a man's man world...ill rather you cut off my penis before i admit i was geek in the past...

okie...so im starting to go a little overboard with this..but ill give you the heads up..just imagine laguna beach or american uni kids in movies...go figure

its sad to see of all this happening...i being one who was use to having more frens from other races then my own in secondary...now being shunned most of the time because of my color...and not only that....also from my own race who scorn the flunecy of my english and the lack of spoken mandarin....oh well...one would say wake up and smell the roses.

ive always wanted to ask this question...but i know it can never be answered...why must we segregate ourselves?? ..is it necessary...it sometimes comes to the point that choosing a partner has to be of same color....religion....sub religion...origin.... maybe i was thought never to understand the limitations of such things...maybe its my grandfathers fault for teaching me that a human no matter wat is on the outside is still a human....strip us bare and we have everything in common.

so i say..open up...i wrote this not to be cynical as i did in the last post...but its a small cry to a small group of people...my friends...in hope that it starts little by little...forget the color...forget the language...at the end of the day...if you love someone..if you befriend someone...if you like someone...its because of their personality...choose with your heart...not with your eyes...for that is all you need...maybe you might say im being naive..there is more to it then meets the eye....but for me..set it all aside... if i can mix with indians and malays without judging them..why cant you? dont let it be a boundary...

and if its possible..show me you are able to accept....ive gone thru racist attitudes directed at me...yet i still mingle....i still persevere...try it...it wont kill you

tk out

to be or not to be

2007-04-08T13:08:42Z

classy?? now thats a word synonymous with sophisticated...but how do we define classy? what gives us class or the lack of it?

most people would define classy in monetary terms or having more than the others... would you call classy...buying an 800 ringgit oakley sunglasses?? okie..so i have not made myself clear...sure the specs looks good...heck..its classy as hell...but is it classy when the owner parades the price tag like the fireworks on the 4th of July(or rather the 31st of Aug) ...is classy buying everything expensive and not even using or knowing how to use it? or the fact they have to tell the whole world where they eat (which of course is the most expensive place in town)..ordering the most expensive dish...only to eat half and throw the rest away?

hmm...i wonder if im writing this right...you know how you have something on your mind but cant express it properly..yah. i have that all the time.

okie..back to the topic...so what is classy? for me..being classy the fact that you dont have to announce yourself and yet you are distinguished and sophisticated...someone with class mite be wearing something expensive..or something average and yet still look as sophisticated as ever... he eats not according to the price tag...but according to the quality of the food..as matter of fact..finishing your food shows that you are classy...not finishing though does not mean you are not classy..most asian ladies can't really finish the big portions in the restaurants nowadays.. what im trying to say is..order within your limit. you dont have to go around...ordering soup..and then taking on the rib eyes and ending it with some chocolate brownie...if you can finish it..sure..why not. but when you cant..its just plain wasteful and it shows how greedy and pathetic you are.

it not only has to do with food....why buy an equipment that would cost you so much when you dont use it...to some..its because hey...its nike..hey..its butterfly(best table tennis brand around) ...its about buying to your level and ability... then there are some who dont even know how to go about the occasions...correct me if im wrong but would you bring your canon D40 to an outing with frens or family at lets say TGIF? that big bulky camera...wouldn a digital camera just do the trick?....sure you are an expert photographer...but wouldn you agree that certain things are not suitable for certain occasions...we are afterall not taking a convocation photo...its just a casual meet.

now..one would ask..why do i bring this up? am i jealous of the person who is willing spend 2000 ringgit at one stone throw? am i jealous that i cant show off the expensive things i buy? haha...well to tell you the truth..i write this because i feel the need to tell you what classy really means...im not saying im classy...thats up to you to judge...but its more of telling all this people...for goodness sake....we know you have money...we know you know only things that cost more than 500 ringgit...but at the end of the day...you are just the same as the ah beng on the street. in simpler terms...you have no class :-) ...sure you fake your thru most people...but the classy can tell...and you dont impress them one bit.

ahhh...usually one would end with some fine print..saying bla bla bla..i didnt intend to insult anyone..yada yada yada.. but i say this....if you feel that it is you ive been mentioning..then it is... so you can either deal with it or stand in a corner and cry about it...

ahhh...i think i shall start writing a little more about topics rellated to this.... i have kept quiet a little too long...taking the passive stance...everyday around me...people try so hard to impress...with their valued possessions....their supposed "machoness" ....and many more. ive always kept quiet...i dont see the point of taking them on...when i know who i am...i see no reason to tell the whole world :-) ....instead i choose write about them...the vain pots would love it im sure....one can never win against them.... but we fight our own small battles and win it in the ways we want to

tk out

back from the dead

2007-04-08T13:06:01Z

and so im back by popular demand..hehe. yea rite. oh well...i supposedly have not writeen anything in ages...and no thanks to blogspot...i was unable to post anything up. oh well...since trish said this is better..i guess ill continue things here...
anyway..to kick things of..i guess ill put up a the results of a personality quiz i took from michelle's blog...something to do with colors...anyway...here it goes

At this particular time you are feeling the results of extreme stress and you are seeking a 'way out' but you are pushing too hard. Obviously you need peace, tranquillity and contentment. Your temperament is such that you are hoping, unrealistically perhaps, that your desires will shortly be fulfilled (even if at this time you are not quite sure what those true aspirations may be!).

You are a leader and possibly at this time in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.

You are a perfectionist in everything that you put your hand to. You are demanding and very exacting in the standards you apply to your choice of colleagues and friends -perhaps you demand too much from people. That perfection you seek in a particular person is illusive - perhaps it does not even exist.

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You are carried away by other people's enthusiasm and looking for that idealised relationship, be it in a business or personal situation, which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding. You have lowered your defences in the past and you have been hurt, so you are now extremely wary of being exploited. You are still ready to trust people on the condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.

Ahhh....very interesting indeed...its pretty general..but most of it actually holds true..anyway...ill end this post because i want to put up a post that i wrote awhile back and even though it sounds a wee bit nasty..i still thought i would like everyone to read :-)

check it out later

the beginning

2006-09-08T15:06:30Z

i finally check in after almost more than a week of starting this blog...the blog kinda looks a little gayish at the moment..hehe. unfortunately me trying to make it more ancient is failing pretty badly..oh heck...improvisationhas to be done...

anyway...checking in with a bang i must say...happiness is somehow replaced with worries... nah..dun fret...im not going to be all depressing here and all..ill tell you why later..hehe. anyhow...one challenge completed means the beginning of a new challenge. and later has arrived..hehe. well whatever i said before about my life being depressing and boring i think is kinda bullshit..i actually think that my life is quite exciting..i mean would u prefer going on with your daily life with everything on schedule and everything feeling routine?? i for one would pretty much hate that...its nice to have changes happening right before your eyes...obstacles placed to block progress...and life being as twisting and turning as the road going up to genting...

i think im one of the few fortunate people to have been given such a colourful life...sure it can be painful...it can be harsh...but it adds colour...and thats what life is all about. seizing great moments and facing adversity with a determined face...the thing is..i realised all of this only when i started a reading someone's blog and my own..hehe. well not to brag or anything...i kinda sounded poetic when depressed but it was still sad afterall...cant see myself writing all of that for life..hehe. anyway.that someone made me realise how lucky i was..not to say that she is unlucky or anything...oops. i said she..hehe. hmmm..who is it???.. ill give you a hint...its definitely not someone im very close with... i see some relieve faces now..hehe.

anyway this young woman does not know what a great life she actually has...she gets upset over every small thing...and to her that makes life pretty miserable...all she wants to do is compare herself with others...and she complains about the same thing over and over again...but at the end of the day..if she finally stops to smell the flowers she would realise that everything is not what it seems to be.

hmmm..wait a minute. that sounded like me..hehe.oh well...ill raise my hand up...neh..both hands in fact..im guilty as charge..i mean it doesn matter if you have a chronic disease...failed an exam...almost losing your eyesight...or had friends taken advantage of your kindness...its still all the same. its a learning process ill say....

and we become better because of this...geez. do i sound like im repeating myself?...darn it...getting old here.

anyway here's a toast to life...im only 21...thats like 1/3 of my life or maybe even 1/2 of it...you never know what u might die of eh...hehe. maybe IHD?? CHD?? ...hehe. heart diseases. so im going to live my life to the fullest. God gave us one life...its now or never :-)

tk out